Sex and the Perfect Getaway
For a new couple, there’s no better test of compatibility than that fateful first trip. There’s much to be learned from seeing your sweetiemunchkins removed from her network of coping mechanisms and creature comforts. You may uncover negatives, like her packing 11 pairs of shoes for a weekend upstate. You may also discover a charming quality, like how cuddly she gets after one umbrella drink.
“When you travel, your companion is in your space all the time,” says Patti Britton, Ph.D., author of The Art of Sex Coaching. “This kind of proximity magnifies everything: the sore spots and the sweet spots, the good, the bad, and the ugly.”
U.S. couples go on 155 million romantic getaways every year. While some of these couples will end up necking in the lost-luggage office, others will find themselves at the precipice of an enchanting waterfall, arguing about who should carry the binoculars. Your journey should start With our step-by-step guide to travel for twosomes.
Step 1 Start smart
Don’t be too ambitious too soon. “Early in a relationship, a shorter trip is more prudent,” says Linda DeVillers, Ph.D., author of Love Skills: A Fun, Upbeat Guide to Sex-cessful Relationships. Long trips raise expectations, cost more, and represent a commitment. Unless you have a very good feel for her, put a 3-day cap on your maiden voyage.
Do: Spend a weekend in Vegas.
Don’t: Go on a 2-week elk hunt.
Your best bet: Pick a spot that’s no more than 4 hours away–half a day of livid silence on the way home is not fun. And opt for a place with plenty of activities to choose from. This way, if she’s not a golfer, she can hit the spa while you hit some balls.
Step 2 Discuss great expectations
No, not the Dickens classic (although it’s quite good). Talk about what you both want from the trip before you pack a bag. “This conversation doesn’t have to be some big emotional thing,” says Susan Moynihan, editor in-chief of Destination Weddings & Honeymoons magazine. “It can merely be a discussion of your dream vacation. She can say, ‘I want to lie on the beach all day, then go have cocktails.’ Then he can say, ‘That would drive me crazy. I want to go kiteboarding all day, then go have cocktails.’ Don’t make an issue out of it. It’s okay to have different interests. Other than cocktails, obviously, which are nonnegotiable.”
Do: Have a lighthearted, enjoyable chat about your vision of the ideal trip.
Don’t: Make it a tense summit meeting.
Your best bet: Meet someplace fun but quiet and keep the conversation casual. Concentrate on your expectations. Do you want to see the sights or spend the day on the beach? Must you spend every minute together, or can you split up for a few hours? How much time are you going to spend in the room (hint, hint)? What about shopping?
Oh, and one final do: Make sure you establish what the trip means. If you think you’re going skiing and she thinks you’re going to propose, things might turn ugly.
Step 3 Don’t follow the reader
Many relationships have a natural leader who winds up making most of the decisions. If you just thought, Yeah, that’s me, you’re the one. If you just thought, Yeah, that’s her, she’s the one. Take this into account when planning, so neither of you winds up being dragged along on the other’s dream vacation.
Do: Embrace democracy!
Don’t: Expect her to understand when you skip the butterfly gardens because you want to get a good spot at the swim-up bar.
Your best bet: Identify the leader in your relationship. As a man, there’s a strong possibility you are the leader. If this is the case, make absolutely sure your shy gal chooses her fair share of activities. Give her all the time she needs and encourage her to express her likes and dislikes. If she’s reluctant to do this or gives you the ol’ “Let’s just do what you want to do,” use your leadership abilities to coerce her into expressing herself. In other words, order her to give you orders!
Step 4 Don’t mess around with money
Joy Davidson, Ph.D., the author of Fearless Sex, once went to Venice with a companion on a meals-included package. When she suggested exploring Venice’s restaurants, “he couldn’t stand the idea of wasting that money. I knew we had different outlooks on money before, but this really highlighted it. We ended up having a huge fight and spending most of our time apart.”
Be frank about finances and split costs as equally as possible without allowing them to dominate the experience.
Do: Work out a system ahead of time.
Don’t: Insist on being “The Man” and paying for everything.
Your best bet: “The best way to deal with it is to divide the payment by days,” says Davidson. “For example, he pays for everything on Monday, she pays for everything on Tuesday, and so on. You’ll end up spending roughly the same amount, but you won’t have money overshadowing the good times every time you’re presented with a bill.”
Step 5 Go solo for an hour
You love your lover, but you also love it when she goes away for a while, right? “It’s important to create some alone time in a way that’s sensitive to your partner,” Britton says.
Do: Go for an hour’s jog on the beach.
Don’t: Blow the day playing blackjack.
Your best bet: Take the pressure off. Split up, then reconnect to compare notes. Individual enthusiasms can be arousing. Or relax together with a room-service meal. Not every moment has to be life-changing.
Step 6 Steam up the hotel room
Hotel sex is one of the not-so-secret pleasures of travel. “There’s a lack of responsibility in a hotel room,” says Britton. Be irresponsible.
Do: It.
Don’t: Not do it.
Your best bet: Pack something surprising in your suitcase–a toy, a DVD, or lingerie, DeVillers says: “It creates anticipation.”
By: Connolly, Chris, Men’s Health, Jul/Aug2006
“When you travel, your companion is in your space all the time,” says Patti Britton, Ph.D., author of The Art of Sex Coaching. “This kind of proximity magnifies everything: the sore spots and the sweet spots, the good, the bad, and the ugly.”
U.S. couples go on 155 million romantic getaways every year. While some of these couples will end up necking in the lost-luggage office, others will find themselves at the precipice of an enchanting waterfall, arguing about who should carry the binoculars. Your journey should start With our step-by-step guide to travel for twosomes.
Step 1 Start smart
Don’t be too ambitious too soon. “Early in a relationship, a shorter trip is more prudent,” says Linda DeVillers, Ph.D., author of Love Skills: A Fun, Upbeat Guide to Sex-cessful Relationships. Long trips raise expectations, cost more, and represent a commitment. Unless you have a very good feel for her, put a 3-day cap on your maiden voyage.
Do: Spend a weekend in Vegas.
Don’t: Go on a 2-week elk hunt.
Your best bet: Pick a spot that’s no more than 4 hours away–half a day of livid silence on the way home is not fun. And opt for a place with plenty of activities to choose from. This way, if she’s not a golfer, she can hit the spa while you hit some balls.
Step 2 Discuss great expectations
No, not the Dickens classic (although it’s quite good). Talk about what you both want from the trip before you pack a bag. “This conversation doesn’t have to be some big emotional thing,” says Susan Moynihan, editor in-chief of Destination Weddings & Honeymoons magazine. “It can merely be a discussion of your dream vacation. She can say, ‘I want to lie on the beach all day, then go have cocktails.’ Then he can say, ‘That would drive me crazy. I want to go kiteboarding all day, then go have cocktails.’ Don’t make an issue out of it. It’s okay to have different interests. Other than cocktails, obviously, which are nonnegotiable.”
Do: Have a lighthearted, enjoyable chat about your vision of the ideal trip.
Don’t: Make it a tense summit meeting.
Your best bet: Meet someplace fun but quiet and keep the conversation casual. Concentrate on your expectations. Do you want to see the sights or spend the day on the beach? Must you spend every minute together, or can you split up for a few hours? How much time are you going to spend in the room (hint, hint)? What about shopping?
Oh, and one final do: Make sure you establish what the trip means. If you think you’re going skiing and she thinks you’re going to propose, things might turn ugly.
Step 3 Don’t follow the reader
Many relationships have a natural leader who winds up making most of the decisions. If you just thought, Yeah, that’s me, you’re the one. If you just thought, Yeah, that’s her, she’s the one. Take this into account when planning, so neither of you winds up being dragged along on the other’s dream vacation.
Do: Embrace democracy!
Don’t: Expect her to understand when you skip the butterfly gardens because you want to get a good spot at the swim-up bar.
Your best bet: Identify the leader in your relationship. As a man, there’s a strong possibility you are the leader. If this is the case, make absolutely sure your shy gal chooses her fair share of activities. Give her all the time she needs and encourage her to express her likes and dislikes. If she’s reluctant to do this or gives you the ol’ “Let’s just do what you want to do,” use your leadership abilities to coerce her into expressing herself. In other words, order her to give you orders!
Step 4 Don’t mess around with money
Joy Davidson, Ph.D., the author of Fearless Sex, once went to Venice with a companion on a meals-included package. When she suggested exploring Venice’s restaurants, “he couldn’t stand the idea of wasting that money. I knew we had different outlooks on money before, but this really highlighted it. We ended up having a huge fight and spending most of our time apart.”
Be frank about finances and split costs as equally as possible without allowing them to dominate the experience.
Do: Work out a system ahead of time.
Don’t: Insist on being “The Man” and paying for everything.
Your best bet: “The best way to deal with it is to divide the payment by days,” says Davidson. “For example, he pays for everything on Monday, she pays for everything on Tuesday, and so on. You’ll end up spending roughly the same amount, but you won’t have money overshadowing the good times every time you’re presented with a bill.”
Step 5 Go solo for an hour
You love your lover, but you also love it when she goes away for a while, right? “It’s important to create some alone time in a way that’s sensitive to your partner,” Britton says.
Do: Go for an hour’s jog on the beach.
Don’t: Blow the day playing blackjack.
Your best bet: Take the pressure off. Split up, then reconnect to compare notes. Individual enthusiasms can be arousing. Or relax together with a room-service meal. Not every moment has to be life-changing.
Step 6 Steam up the hotel room
Hotel sex is one of the not-so-secret pleasures of travel. “There’s a lack of responsibility in a hotel room,” says Britton. Be irresponsible.
Do: It.
Don’t: Not do it.
Your best bet: Pack something surprising in your suitcase–a toy, a DVD, or lingerie, DeVillers says: “It creates anticipation.”
By: Connolly, Chris, Men’s Health, Jul/Aug2006
posted by Eddy Brown at 9:54 AM
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